CONGRATULATIONS, IT'S A BAG OF CHIPS.
Balenciaga would like $2,050.
In exchange, they will give you what appears to be a bag of chips.
But relax.
It's calfskin.
Apparently we have reached the stage of civilization where someone looked at the crinkled bag next to a gas-station cash register and thought:
What if this, but Italy?
And nobody stopped them.
Actually, forget that.
Balenciaga doesn't need to be stopped.
Balenciaga may be the smartest person in the room.
Because someone is going to buy it.
Of course they are.
There was a meeting.
Probably several meetings.
Someone designed it.
Someone approved it.
Someone sourced the leather.
Someone made a prototype.
Someone looked at that prototype and said:
"Yes. Two thousand and fifty dollars."
Then Bloomingdale's put it on a pristine white background and photographed it like it had just graduated from Harvard.
It's a bag of chips.
At this point, Balenciaga isn't designing fashion.
They're conducting psychological experiments on people with credit cards.
How ugly can we make it?
How stupid can the premise be?
How closely can we approximate something you normally throw directly into the garbage?
Will they still buy it if we emboss BALENCIAGA on it?
Yes.
Apparently they will.
And that's where this stops being a joke about Balenciaga and becomes a joke about us.
Because Balenciaga understands something deeply uncomfortable about modern luxury:
You don't actually have to make something beautiful anymore.
You just have to make sure everyone knows it was expensive.
We used to get hand-beading.
Embroidery.
Beautiful tailoring.
Extraordinary hardware.
Objects made by people who spent decades becoming masters of their work.
Now you get:
Doritos with a zipper.
Except there aren't even Doritos inside.
For $2,050, I would at least expect a chip.
One chip.
Delivered by a guy named Luca who flew in from Milan for this.
No.
Empty.
You have purchased the concept of snacks.
And please don't worry, because someone will explain why this is actually incredibly sophisticated.
"It's ironic."
"It's conceptual."
"It challenges our perception of value."
"It's a commentary on consumerism."
My love.
You ARE the commentary on consumerism.
You just paid $2,050 for it.
That's the genius.
Balenciaga doesn't even have to make fun of the consumer.
The consumer completes the installation.
And somewhere along the way, we started confusing money with taste.
They are not the same thing.
Money can buy a $2,050 chip bag.
Taste is the little voice that says:
"Put the credit card down. We have Tostitos at home."
But taste has become terribly inconvenient.
Taste requires discernment.
Restraint.
An eye.
You have to know what you like without checking whether strangers will recognize the label.
Much easier to buy the logo.
Because we are living in a culture where recognition has slowly replaced refinement.
Being noticed has replaced being elegant.
Expensive has replaced beautiful.
And irony has become a wonderful little emergency exit whenever something is objectively hideous.
"It's supposed to be ugly."
Fantastic.
Then they absolutely nailed it.
Luxury fashion has discovered the perfect business model:
Make something ridiculous.
Charge an obscene amount of money for it.
And if anyone points out that it's ridiculous, explain that they simply don't understand fashion.
The emperor isn't naked anymore.
He's carrying a $2,050 bag of chips.
And the funniest part?
Put the exact same object on a folding table at a flea market without BALENCIAGA stamped across it and someone's aunt would pick it up, turn it over twice and say:
"How much?"
"Twenty dollars."
"I'll give you eight."
That's brand equity.
Or possibly a hostage situation.
And Balenciaga knows exactly what they're doing.
They could release a $3,000 leather CVS receipt tomorrow.
Extra long.
Italian calfskin.
It would sell out.
This is where we are.
A culture with more access to beautiful things than any civilization in history, somehow voluntarily spending thousands to look like we forgot to throw away our snacks.
So no.
I'm not mad at Balenciaga.
I'm impressed.
They looked at modern consumer culture, understood it completely, held up a mirror…
and put a zipper on it.
Then they charged $2,050.
No chips included.
